the flu sucks

Sorry it’s been so long. Time for an update. I’ve been sick, sick, sick, and really all I’ve done in the past 3 weeks is sleep, sleep some more, and then sleep again. I’m starting to feel better now, although my ideas of what my body can do these days seem somewhat ambitious. My mind is ready to get on with things, but my body would like to be lazy a little bit longer. However, I know that laziness begets laziness, so I’m just going to force myself to become active again, although I’ll do it pole pole (slowly….why am I letting Swahili slip in here????). Anyway, a few noteworthy things have happened, so here’s a a summary:

The other night Shelley and I went to this spirit medium circle thing. Neither one of us knew what we were getting into, but because of circumstance we ended up there, and decided to stick it out. Turns out it was an opportunity to converse with the dead. I’m serious. I was cynically sceptical at first, but then the moderator started saying things about people that she just couldn’t have known. Anyway, I received a nice message to give to Darren from his father regarding an up-coming wedding in the family, and I also was reassured from my grandfather that he watches out from me and keeps me on track. When I relayed this to my father later that night, he told me that when I was about 7 years old I had a recurring dream that I was falling out of an airplane and grandpa caught me. So maybe it’s true…..

What else…hmmm…Shelley and I saw a few movies. In my continued addiction to everything African, we saw “Shake Hands with the Devil” and “Hotel Rwanda”. The genocide from the point of view of the Canadian in charge of the failed UN mission to Rwanda on one hand, and the point of view of Tutsi refugees hiding out in a hotel on the other. I get so ANGRY at the world sometimes. When will we ever learn? Both movies disturbed me for days. And on a lighter note, we saw “Hitch”. Enough said.

I spent the long weekend dog sitting for a friend. It was not the funnest thing in the world, living in someone else’s house when are sick. But it was worth it - she gave me a whole bunch of movie passes, hence I was able to see the ones mentioned above.

At some point in time I took a couple of weeks off and finished the Results chapter of my thesis. That felt good, let me tell you. I have another 2 days off starting tomorrow to polish off another chapter.

Shelley and I went for a country drive the other day…the sun was shining and it felt so good on my face through the window of her truck. We stopped at a small café in a small town for lunch…yummy….homemade food.

I may be starting a new job at the end of March - I haven’t decided if I’m going to take it. It would be fun, but totally not challenging or resume-building – just something more healthy to pass the time until I can do what I really want to do. Which leads me into the numero uno dilemma - what the hell to do with my life once the thesis is done. Go overseas, don’t go overseas. What’s a girl to do!!!! Of course I feel my calling is to go overseas, but can I afford it? Would it be wise to get a “normal” job as my mom would call it and pay off my student loans before going to serve to impoverished people of the world for next-to-no money? To make things even more excruciatingly difficult, other opportunities keep popping up and I have no idea what to do about them. None of them are in Alberta, and it’s hard to think about moving away when you are as sick as a dog and don’t have enough energy to walk to the toilet.
I realize that I need to stop thinking about the future and enjoy the moment. So, in light of this, I’m taking a sweat yoga class, starting tonight. Should be good for me…Mondays will be great – sweat yoga followed by L-Word with the girls. Nice!

I guess that’s all for now.

hockey, hockey, and more hockey

Stingers in Edson Feb 2005

It appears I'm getting a tad bit lazy with this blogging business. It could be because all I've done for the past week or two is HOCKEY! I just learned how to add pictures to my blog, so above you can see my beloved hockey team partaking in debauchery...oh, it was good times. I'm looking forward to next week, when there will be no unrealistic demands on my body, just on my mind, as I attempt to actually bite the bullet and write my pain-in-the-ass thesis. I'll keep you posted as I slowly descend into the madness only academia can induce....

I'm on a new kick....

....although it's related to my passion for international health. In my last post I wrote a bit about the relationship between humanitarian aid and military intervention. Well, in trying to learn more about it, I have found myself quite intrigued by international humanitarian law: political prisoners, prisoners of war, casualties of war, the role of capitivity and torture in war, the Geneva Conventions and so on. I'm intrigued by the role of medical personnel in war. It all has me rather excited at the moment.

When I sit down and think about what I want to do when I grow up, I get all energized and motivated when I think about working overseas. However, I get all stressed when I think about working in development because of my experience with NGOs in Africa - the lack of collaboration and cooperation, the wasteful spending of money, the concentration in urban areas and avoidance of rural areas and the people who need their services the most, the whole expat ghetto thing...it just angers me. But when I think of high-stress emergency situations - war, natural disasters, refugees, civil unrest - and what I can do in these situations, I feel motivated.

But despite this motivation, I have made a decision to just stop looking for new careers and focus on finishing my thesis...it will be done in a few short months, and then I can go nuts, without the stress of an unfinished thesis looming over my head like a big grey rain cloud. I'm even gonna stay at this job - they have given me a raise and are allowing me to work 4-day weeks until I get my thesis written...I think what I'll plan to do is work 3 days one week and 5 the next, giving me 2 focused thesis days every 2 weeks, rather than just one day per week...I tend to get on a role. If I buckle down and notify my friends and family that I am going into hiding for a little while, it will get done for sure...

Anyway...back to work I go.

and on a happier note...

I have a couple of job leads, here in Edmonton, to keep me happy until that good ol' thesis is done. On top of that, it's International Week on campus, and I have been getting my fill of global issues. I've heard the prince of Swaziland (who is also the grandson of Nelson Mandela) speak, as well as Omar Kdar's lawyer. I also spent lots of time this evening before hockey with an expert in working internationally. He had all sorts of advice for me and has agreed to help me "internationalize" my resume. I learned so much from him and he got me excited about my big job search again. There are many more interesting lectures to come, including the Canadian director of MSF and a representative of CIDA...more networking opportunities for me!

And as I attend these lectures and think about the next step in my life, I find myself really questioning the nature of humanitarian aid...it's supposed to be based on principles of neutrality and impartiality, but such principles are obviuosly compromised in so many parts of the world these days...humanitarian aid often coincides with military intervention, which often carries a political agenda, hence there becomes politicization of humanitarian aid, which negates it's primary tenet of neutrality. This needs more thought on my part.....but in the morning, when my head ain't so fuzzy.