I just finished writing this long, elaborate explanation of my latest obsession, only to somehow erase it all. I suppose I wasn't meant to share it with you. In a nutshell, I'm contemplating med school (I know I do this every year). Everyone I've talked to about this has a different opinion, and this doesn't help me at all. I know what I want to do with my life - my problem is that I don't know how to get there. I know that if I were to become a doctor, all I would have to do is sign up with Doctors Without Borders and spend the rest of my life providing care to those who need it most. Of course, I would have to finish nearly a decade more of school and pay back $100,000 debt first. It seems like an expensive, time consuming means to an end, especially since clinical work isn't really where my interest is! Plus, I have this feeling that I would spend the whole time in excruciating pain, living with the knowledge that there's somewhere else I'm supposed to be!
One person I talked to made the most sense to me - she told me that I am my own worst critic, and that I always underestimate my abilities and qualifications to do the things I want to do. She reminded me that the most creative people in the world don't know that they are that. I realise that med school is the safe route for me (that sounds ridiculous, I know, but it's how I feel!). Taking the chance, putting myself out there, and risking complete and utter failure is the scary thing to do right now. I'm just not sure I'm qualified to go do epi overseas right now - I'd really like to get some experience in Canada first.
So I guess I'm not sure what to do right now. Am I making excuses to go to med school, or making excuses not to go? I've got to make a rather fast decision. My current job will end within the next six months - where do I want to go next? And what happens if I never get there - to this place where I know I belong?
If anyone has the magic answer, I'd love to hear it. And don't tell me to follow my heart. I know that already.
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