I have long struggled with this time of year. I have so many problems with Christmas, starting with the fact that I am not a Christian, but also encompassing issues such as: I don't do turkey dinner as a vegetarian, I try to live my life simplisticly, avoiding excessive materialism, etc. Trying to get loved ones to understand this is rather difficult, particulary with my family who find comfort in the traditions of the holiday. The end result of this struggle is general angst and grumpiness during the season. However, I've had a change of heart this year, and am totally excited about the holiday. I've chosen to concentrate on the aspects that I love: the overwhelming joy of my mother, the lights shining throughout the city, people who normally don't giving to charity giving what they can. I still struggle a bit, mostly with the fact that we as westerners overeat, overdrink, and overindulge for a full month, when most of the human population lives in poverty. In any case, I just read an article that nicely explained how one woman finds a way to make her western upbringing co-exist with her eastern beliefs. It's called Om for the Holidays and you can find it here:
http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/514_1.cfm?ctsrc=nlv182
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
I'm a Master!!!
Well, almost! I just finished my thesis defense and it went soooooooo well! I can't believe it's all finally over! I was a nervous wreck all day, but as usual, the anticipation was way worse than the actual defense. As soon as I started talking I KNEW I was going to nail it. I felt so comfortable and the words were just falling out of my mouth. My external examiner was the first one to ask questions, and she starting off by saying "First let me tell you that this an excellent thesis, perfectly written, and very important". I pretty much knew then that I was going to pass! The remaining questions were all very fair, and were also very general. Those questions are so much more fun to answer than the nit-picky ones. Anyway, at the end of it all I was told I couldn't have done it better, and then was offered a job opportunity with WHO!!!!! How can it get any better than that!!!!
Sunday, November 06, 2005
The petty details of the squid and the whale
The other night Shelley and I went to see a movie called "The Squid and the Whale". It was a rather candid look at parental influence, particularly in the face of divorce. The story centered on a pair of brothers, one who wants to be a writer like dad, and the other who wants to be a tennis pro. The parents aren't the nicest of people - mom has several affairs during the marriage, and dad is an emotionally abusive arrogant asshole (that's my opinion of him anyway). They are both PhD literary experts and the movie involves lots of discussion around "classic works" which was often quite funny. Anyway, it was interesting to watch these two boys experience the divorce, how they seemed to "pick sides", and how they each adopted certain traits from their parents. It was particularly interesting how they chose to also focus on the sexual journey of these boys - Frank, the youngest son, is just discovering himself and begins experimenting with alcohol and masterbation, while Walt, the eldest, struggles over the state of his first relationship with a girl. Neither parent seems able to give the boys the guidance they need during this and as such they end up getting into a bit of trouble.
I just finished a book called "The Petty Details of So-and-So's Life". This book also dealt with parental influence, this time focusing on a brother and sister and how they each cope with the disapearance of their mentally ill father and the resulting withdrawal and alcoholism of their mother. Despite having some rather humorous moments, the book touches on the issues of child abuse, sexual abuse, incest, homophobia, self-mutilation, mental illness and alcoholism. The story centers around Emma and Blue, siblings who took comfort in each other during their early years, hiding from the abuse of their father. When he leaves, each sibling deals with his absence in a different way. Emma continually tries to re-invent herself, creating new lives in which she doesn't have to deal with the facts of her true life. Eventually, of course, this catches up to her. Despite her sexual confusion and her fears that she will end up like her father, she manages to find happiness in her life. Blue, on the other hand, is constantly haunted by his father's abusive comments. He turns into a drug-addicted, rough-and-tough tattoo artist who spends considerable time trying to find his homeless father, and finds relief only in the saddest of ways at the end of the novel.
Anyway, it was interesting to read a book and see a movie that both dealth with a pair of siblings trying to grow up in less-than-ideal circumstances. Gave lots of food for thought....
I just finished a book called "The Petty Details of So-and-So's Life". This book also dealt with parental influence, this time focusing on a brother and sister and how they each cope with the disapearance of their mentally ill father and the resulting withdrawal and alcoholism of their mother. Despite having some rather humorous moments, the book touches on the issues of child abuse, sexual abuse, incest, homophobia, self-mutilation, mental illness and alcoholism. The story centers around Emma and Blue, siblings who took comfort in each other during their early years, hiding from the abuse of their father. When he leaves, each sibling deals with his absence in a different way. Emma continually tries to re-invent herself, creating new lives in which she doesn't have to deal with the facts of her true life. Eventually, of course, this catches up to her. Despite her sexual confusion and her fears that she will end up like her father, she manages to find happiness in her life. Blue, on the other hand, is constantly haunted by his father's abusive comments. He turns into a drug-addicted, rough-and-tough tattoo artist who spends considerable time trying to find his homeless father, and finds relief only in the saddest of ways at the end of the novel.
Anyway, it was interesting to read a book and see a movie that both dealth with a pair of siblings trying to grow up in less-than-ideal circumstances. Gave lots of food for thought....
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Map of My World
I found this website where you can map out all of the countries you have visited. Here's what my map looks like:
create your own visited country map
create your own visited country map
Mind the wildlife
There's nothing like absolute darkness to make you feel like you are in the middle of nowhere. It fascinates me how you can arrive at your destination in the dark, completely unaware of your physical surroundings, and then wake up in the morning to find yourself amidst glorious mountains and lakes. This has been the story of my life this week. I am in the interior of BC for work, and have so far visited the towns of Trail, Cranbrook, Nelson and Penticton. It's only Thursday and I've already put over 1300km on the car!
On the first day, from Kelowna to Trail, I had to drive over a snow-filled, icy pass. I was white-knuckled the whole time and even had to turn off the music to allow complete concentration on the road. Then, on my way to Cranbrook, I drove over the highest pass in BC in complete darkness, and I was the only vehicle on the road. It was sooooo scary! I'm driving this puny little gutless Echo and I was sure I was going to slide right off the side of the mountain! Thankfully, I didn't.
When it came time to drive over to Nelson on Tuesday, I was in a slight state of panic because I didn't want to go over that damn pass again. I figured I tested my luck once already - I didn't need to do it again. So I went to the Visitors' Information Center in Creston, after an amazing small-town lunch, and asked for alternate ways of getting to Nelson. The lady at the desk said that I could only go over the pass if I had chains on the car. Well, the rental didn't come with chains, and even if it did, I wouldn't have a clue what to do with them. Besides, she said her husband worked for the fire department and had done several rescues that morning already, and that the pass would likely be closed later in the day. So, I had no choice but to go the looooooooong way. That was fine by me. It was a gorgeous drive around Kootenay Lake, and I got to take a ferry. So it was all good.
It took me about 5 minutes to realize that I loved Nelson and never, ever wanted to leave. The place is simply stunning. In a weird way it kind of reminded me of Rwanda - when you approach the city, you can see rows upon rows of houses terraced into the mountain, just like the farms and villages were in Rwanda. Anyway, Nelson has an Ashtanga yoga studio, several meditation centers, restaurants with catchy names, like The Treehouse which served vegan entrees and Night Train which claimed to serve "soul food". They had stores geared towards the "responsible consumer" and hemp stores galore. All this I found on a short walk in the evening. Add in all the amazing opportunities for hiking, and you've got paradise, as far as I'm concerned.
Anyway, morning came and I went to the hospital (half way up a mountain I might add) and finished my work, and then it was on the road again - this time to Penticton. The logical way to get there, according the map, was to retrace my steps. However, this required going over a flippin' pass again. My colleague at the hospital made some comment suggesting that I was brave, if not a little insane, to go over that pass. So I left the hospital, went to my trendy little car, and stared at the map, thinking that I had been brave enough on my first day of driving, and that there was really nothing wrong with choosing to drive several hours longer in order to avoid one hour of sheer terror. Besides, I shouldn't gamble with my life and limbs when I'm on the boss' money.
The drive, again, was beautiful. At least it was while the light lasted. By the time I came to yet another ferry ride across another lake, it was 5pm and therefore dark. I drove up and over another pass, although thankfully the snow chose to stay on the trees and not the roads. But, it was 107km, this trail around the mountain, and the speed limit was usually only 60km/h, sometimes even 20km/h on account of the windiness.
I must admit that I got a bit scared again. You know that you are truly in barren land when you can't even get CBC on am radio. I managed to keep my mind busy during those grueling 107km, mostly contemplating the wildlife in the area. I saw more deer and elk on that stretch than I had the rest of the trip! What I was trying to figure out was why they choose to dash to the far side of the road, and dangerously crossing my path, rather than hop back into the ditch they are standing right beside. It's a mystery. At least the animals kept me company. As did the signs on the road telling me to look out for them.
On the first day, from Kelowna to Trail, I had to drive over a snow-filled, icy pass. I was white-knuckled the whole time and even had to turn off the music to allow complete concentration on the road. Then, on my way to Cranbrook, I drove over the highest pass in BC in complete darkness, and I was the only vehicle on the road. It was sooooo scary! I'm driving this puny little gutless Echo and I was sure I was going to slide right off the side of the mountain! Thankfully, I didn't.
When it came time to drive over to Nelson on Tuesday, I was in a slight state of panic because I didn't want to go over that damn pass again. I figured I tested my luck once already - I didn't need to do it again. So I went to the Visitors' Information Center in Creston, after an amazing small-town lunch, and asked for alternate ways of getting to Nelson. The lady at the desk said that I could only go over the pass if I had chains on the car. Well, the rental didn't come with chains, and even if it did, I wouldn't have a clue what to do with them. Besides, she said her husband worked for the fire department and had done several rescues that morning already, and that the pass would likely be closed later in the day. So, I had no choice but to go the looooooooong way. That was fine by me. It was a gorgeous drive around Kootenay Lake, and I got to take a ferry. So it was all good.
It took me about 5 minutes to realize that I loved Nelson and never, ever wanted to leave. The place is simply stunning. In a weird way it kind of reminded me of Rwanda - when you approach the city, you can see rows upon rows of houses terraced into the mountain, just like the farms and villages were in Rwanda. Anyway, Nelson has an Ashtanga yoga studio, several meditation centers, restaurants with catchy names, like The Treehouse which served vegan entrees and Night Train which claimed to serve "soul food". They had stores geared towards the "responsible consumer" and hemp stores galore. All this I found on a short walk in the evening. Add in all the amazing opportunities for hiking, and you've got paradise, as far as I'm concerned.
Anyway, morning came and I went to the hospital (half way up a mountain I might add) and finished my work, and then it was on the road again - this time to Penticton. The logical way to get there, according the map, was to retrace my steps. However, this required going over a flippin' pass again. My colleague at the hospital made some comment suggesting that I was brave, if not a little insane, to go over that pass. So I left the hospital, went to my trendy little car, and stared at the map, thinking that I had been brave enough on my first day of driving, and that there was really nothing wrong with choosing to drive several hours longer in order to avoid one hour of sheer terror. Besides, I shouldn't gamble with my life and limbs when I'm on the boss' money.
The drive, again, was beautiful. At least it was while the light lasted. By the time I came to yet another ferry ride across another lake, it was 5pm and therefore dark. I drove up and over another pass, although thankfully the snow chose to stay on the trees and not the roads. But, it was 107km, this trail around the mountain, and the speed limit was usually only 60km/h, sometimes even 20km/h on account of the windiness.
I must admit that I got a bit scared again. You know that you are truly in barren land when you can't even get CBC on am radio. I managed to keep my mind busy during those grueling 107km, mostly contemplating the wildlife in the area. I saw more deer and elk on that stretch than I had the rest of the trip! What I was trying to figure out was why they choose to dash to the far side of the road, and dangerously crossing my path, rather than hop back into the ditch they are standing right beside. It's a mystery. At least the animals kept me company. As did the signs on the road telling me to look out for them.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
This poor world of ours
Two aid workers were killed and several more were injured in a series of ambushes by the LRA in northern Uganda earlier this week.
Meanwhile, in Pakistan, the death toll threatens to double as homeless citizens succumb to hunger, cold, and injury. While the world has promised the region money, it has been too slow getting there. And many countries have given little to nothing. It's been estimated that more people will die due to this than from the earthquake itself. Aid workers are struggling to do the best they can with essentially nothing.
In Sudan, the aid workers that were being held hostage were finally released. Despite this, attacks on villages, rapes, and other ambushes are on the increase. As a result, all but the most essential aid is being pulled from the region, leaving 3.3 million local people to suffer, including the 1.8 million people who are internally displaced and the 200,000 that have fled to Chad.
War is expected to commence full-force in the Ivory Coast on Oct 30. The current president's five-year term comes to end on this day, and there are no elections scheduled to replace him. The country was split in two in 2002 by a civil war.
I won't even get started on the bird flu.
A Palestinian suicide bomber killed five in a market in Israel. Islamic Jihad claimed responsibility for the bombing, saying it was avenging Israel's killing of a top West Bank commander on Monday during an army arrest raid.
Millions of citizens in Malawi are starving because the current president and his predecessor are quarelling over who's more corrupt, pitting the goverment against the parliament and seemingly forgetting about everyone else who lives in the country.
The list could go on. This poor world of ours.
Meanwhile, in Pakistan, the death toll threatens to double as homeless citizens succumb to hunger, cold, and injury. While the world has promised the region money, it has been too slow getting there. And many countries have given little to nothing. It's been estimated that more people will die due to this than from the earthquake itself. Aid workers are struggling to do the best they can with essentially nothing.
In Sudan, the aid workers that were being held hostage were finally released. Despite this, attacks on villages, rapes, and other ambushes are on the increase. As a result, all but the most essential aid is being pulled from the region, leaving 3.3 million local people to suffer, including the 1.8 million people who are internally displaced and the 200,000 that have fled to Chad.
War is expected to commence full-force in the Ivory Coast on Oct 30. The current president's five-year term comes to end on this day, and there are no elections scheduled to replace him. The country was split in two in 2002 by a civil war.
I won't even get started on the bird flu.
A Palestinian suicide bomber killed five in a market in Israel. Islamic Jihad claimed responsibility for the bombing, saying it was avenging Israel's killing of a top West Bank commander on Monday during an army arrest raid.
Millions of citizens in Malawi are starving because the current president and his predecessor are quarelling over who's more corrupt, pitting the goverment against the parliament and seemingly forgetting about everyone else who lives in the country.
The list could go on. This poor world of ours.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Adventures on the Road to Health
I'm sure none of you want to hear about my mundane health problems, especially since they revolve almost entirely around my bowels and PMS. In any case, I've given up on the western medical system I've devoted most of my working life to, and have turned to more traditional modes of healing. I guess I got tired of of walking into my GP's office, describing my issues, then being shuffled out the door with illegible prescriptions in my hand. Part of me always wonders if anyone only cares if the condition is life-threatening. However, I feel I deserve I completely healthy life, as we all do, so I decided to take advantage of all my benefits at work and try some alternative therapies.
I went to a naturopathic doctor a few weeks ago. Rather than a super-fast 2 minute consultation, I was in her office for almost 2 hours. We talked about my entire medical history, what my past and current complaints are, and what my goals for health were. I was elated to even be asked what my goals were! Anyway, it was a very tiring appointment. She made me discuss emotional issues as well, since the physical body often expresses the emotional body. Anyway, after all of her questioning and testing, she told me what I already knew. Which was somewhat of a relief, I guess. When it came time to determining what to do about it, she used this process called clinical kinesiology, which is some kind of a feedback system of muscle testing. Your muscles respond to different stimuli based on your body's perception of that stimulus. The doc was able to tell which organs were "sick" through this process, and also which treatments would be best for me. After all this, she gave me a couple of things to try. It has been two weeks, and although my troubles aren't completely fixed, they are certainly much, much better.
Anyway, in discussing this journey with a friend, I discovered that my friend was on the same kind of healing path. She felt she needed a healthier way of living, and discovered an acupuncturist that has a very gentle way of approaching health. I complain every few months about numbness in my arms, and although previous physio and chiropractic treatments have fixed this, it always promptly returns. So tonight I see the acupuncturist to see if he can not only fix this problem of mine, but also come up with ways that I might prevent it in the future. That's what I'm after.....prevention.
I told the naturopath this, and I'll tell this dude tonight, that although it is a specific issue that brought me to these people, "getting fixed" isn't my primary objective. I want to learn healthy habits, but I also want to understand what my weaknesses are so that I can take special measures to prevent some of my recurring health issues from happening in the future. It seems reasonable to me....I'll keep you posted.
I went to a naturopathic doctor a few weeks ago. Rather than a super-fast 2 minute consultation, I was in her office for almost 2 hours. We talked about my entire medical history, what my past and current complaints are, and what my goals for health were. I was elated to even be asked what my goals were! Anyway, it was a very tiring appointment. She made me discuss emotional issues as well, since the physical body often expresses the emotional body. Anyway, after all of her questioning and testing, she told me what I already knew. Which was somewhat of a relief, I guess. When it came time to determining what to do about it, she used this process called clinical kinesiology, which is some kind of a feedback system of muscle testing. Your muscles respond to different stimuli based on your body's perception of that stimulus. The doc was able to tell which organs were "sick" through this process, and also which treatments would be best for me. After all this, she gave me a couple of things to try. It has been two weeks, and although my troubles aren't completely fixed, they are certainly much, much better.
Anyway, in discussing this journey with a friend, I discovered that my friend was on the same kind of healing path. She felt she needed a healthier way of living, and discovered an acupuncturist that has a very gentle way of approaching health. I complain every few months about numbness in my arms, and although previous physio and chiropractic treatments have fixed this, it always promptly returns. So tonight I see the acupuncturist to see if he can not only fix this problem of mine, but also come up with ways that I might prevent it in the future. That's what I'm after.....prevention.
I told the naturopath this, and I'll tell this dude tonight, that although it is a specific issue that brought me to these people, "getting fixed" isn't my primary objective. I want to learn healthy habits, but I also want to understand what my weaknesses are so that I can take special measures to prevent some of my recurring health issues from happening in the future. It seems reasonable to me....I'll keep you posted.
Friday, October 21, 2005
why i quit hockey
It comes as a shock to most people who know me, but I quit hockey yersterday. I've only told Vickie and Kristie (besides Shelley, of course, who knew I was stewing about this since our last game). Both said to me "but you LOVE hockey!". And it's true, I do. Shelley asked me if I wouldn't miss the rush, the feeling of being out there on the ice. Of course I will, that's what I love most about hockey! But that feeling comes at a price that is just too high for me. Shelley's advice was to just stand up to certain people, and Vickie told me that she's learned you can't please everyone, just do the best you can, and fuck anyone who says it's not good enough. There are days when I wish I was more like Vickie!
But it's just not that easy for me. Hockey was also just supposed to be fun for me. Yes, I wanted to improve my skills, but I played for the sake of playing, and if I became a better player, then that was just a bonus. I have no aspirations to become a national women's hockey team player. I have no aspirations to even play in a different tier! I just wanted to have fun! Hockey was my outlet, my stress relief. But what's a person to do when your outlet becomes stressful?
So why is hockey stressful? There are several reasons:
But it's just not that easy for me. Hockey was also just supposed to be fun for me. Yes, I wanted to improve my skills, but I played for the sake of playing, and if I became a better player, then that was just a bonus. I have no aspirations to become a national women's hockey team player. I have no aspirations to even play in a different tier! I just wanted to have fun! Hockey was my outlet, my stress relief. But what's a person to do when your outlet becomes stressful?
So why is hockey stressful? There are several reasons:
- Because of my work schedule, I have to miss some games. And because of work/other committments in life, it is very difficult for me to make practices that are arranged on short notice. Some people don't understand the concept of putting work before hockey. And as coach said "I have x many children and x many jobs and my work is mentally challenging, and yes I would rather be in bed at 10:45pm but I come to games anyway because I made that committment to the team and the team expects the same committment from you." I just can't do that, even though I wish I could.
- It is hard for me to see my teammates come to games high/stoned. Especially when these teammates are also friends. Shelley has been trying to teach me how to come to hockey and tune that stuff out, but I can't. I happen to care about these people and I don't understand their choices. I can't say anything to them because what right do I have to judge other people's life choices? It hurts me to see that and it hurts me more that there is nothing I can do to convince these people that they can have so much more in their lives. For all I know, they are happy with their lives. So I have this inner turmoil everytime I enter the dressing room. I have to look at people I used to know and love and face the fact that I don't know them at all anymore. I know that people would think this is crazy, which is why I never mentioned this as a reason for quitting. It's just who I am. I have no control over my hurting heart sometimes.
- I get tired of people telling me I need more practice, or need to do this or that differently. I play hockey to have fun, not to be constantly told I'm not good enough. I don't pretend to be a star player. What's worse is that I'm never lazy on the ice. I work hard every single shift of every single game. Because I lack any serious skill this is sometimes hard to see. But it's true. So it's hard when coach says certain things to me after I've done the best I thought I could.
You know, I get lots of criticism at work, and I have personality conflicts with people at work. But it never really becomes a pr0blem. I appreciate constructive criticism because it makes me better at what I do. I'm a senstitive person and it takes a lot of effort for me to put personality conflicts in context. But hockey isn't like work for me. It was supposed to be a place where I got to be myself, not be judged based on my skill, and just have fun. When you have these expectations of something, you generally feel disappointed when they are not met.
So that's my story.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Two sides of the coin
Someone, I like to call him a wise man because I think he is, told me this morning that our greatest strength in life ultimately becomes our greatest weakness. He was referring to me always having to be “strong” and “hard-working”. Granted, he knows me in a professional sense, not a personal one, so he’s a bit biased. Anyway, he was commenting on how admirable it is that I can always successfully push through all of my obstacles at work/school. He asked me where in my life I picked that up from, and so I told him the following (all true!) story:
Do you remember back in the days when the powers-that-be still believed physical activity was an important part of a child’s education? Every year we had to endure the Canada Fitness Test, in which we had to prove we could do an appropriate number of sit-ups, push-ups, and chin-ups. We had to run a certain distance in a certain amount of time, and we had to do standing/running long jumps as well. Athletics was never my strong suit and I hated that part of me. I loved running around and climbing trees and being active, but I could never get anything better than the “bronze” badge in the Canada Fitness Test. In Grade 6 I said to myself “enough is enough”. I told my teacher that I wanted not simply the “gold” badge, but the “excellence” badge. Every single day after that discussion I came early into school and we practiced, and practiced, and practiced. I worked so hard. When the testing day came, I passed it with flying colors. There was a special assembly at school to hand out the badges, and the local paper was there, and my parents were there, and my teacher got up in front of everybody and told my story, concluding with the statement (or something like it anyway): “you can do anything you set your mind on”.
Despite the fact that I felt completely humiliated, I learned the lesson the teacher tried to teach me, and from that point on, I’ve known that if I always try just a little bit harder, I can accomplish what I want. It’s this belief that has got me the good marks in school, the praises from my employers, the jobs I’ve wanted, all of the amazing opportunities I’ve had in my life, etc.
But what happens if you “try harder” to accomplish something you have no control over, or something that is best just left alone? I’ve been sick in the past, and I told myself that if I had just “been stronger” I would’ve been able to fight the sickness off. If I just “tried harder” I’d be able to function well on little or no sleep. If I just “tried harder” I wouldn’t feel sad, or angry. You get the picture. Being strong and hard-working is a great way to be in most aspects of life, but if you get to the point where feel you failed yourself because didn’t work hard enough, or because you weren’t strong enough, then this strength becomes a weakness.
Here’s another example: whenever I hurt myself and ran to my dad bleeding or bruised, he’d tell me to “stick the pain in your back pocket”. It’s great advice in many ways – it was those words that got me to the top of Mt Kilimanjaro and through my minor surgery in Syria (not to mention the nasty spider bite that caused it!). But what about emotional pain? I think most would agree it’s never a good idea to bottle that up and store it in your back pocket until one day the pocket gets full and your jeans tear at the seams and your insides are bared to all who care to notice. Being able to ignore physical pain may be a great strength, but ignoring emotional pain is a great weakness.
Anyway, I realized that the opposite must also be true: our greatest weaknesses can also be our greatest strengths. I’ve always assumed my sensitivity to be my greatest weakness. I’ve gotten used to being teased, laughed at, and ridiculed for crying because a bird flew into the window and died. I’m used to friends getting upset with me because I don’t want to be in loud, noisy bars. I’m used to people telling me to “suck it up” when I get hurt too easily. I’m used to people saying “don’t take it personally”. This world is just not designed for us sensitive people. But along with this sensitivity comes empathy and a true sense of love and caring for this world and all the people in it. And that’s a strength, don’t you think?
I guess there’s always two sides to the coin.
Do you remember back in the days when the powers-that-be still believed physical activity was an important part of a child’s education? Every year we had to endure the Canada Fitness Test, in which we had to prove we could do an appropriate number of sit-ups, push-ups, and chin-ups. We had to run a certain distance in a certain amount of time, and we had to do standing/running long jumps as well. Athletics was never my strong suit and I hated that part of me. I loved running around and climbing trees and being active, but I could never get anything better than the “bronze” badge in the Canada Fitness Test. In Grade 6 I said to myself “enough is enough”. I told my teacher that I wanted not simply the “gold” badge, but the “excellence” badge. Every single day after that discussion I came early into school and we practiced, and practiced, and practiced. I worked so hard. When the testing day came, I passed it with flying colors. There was a special assembly at school to hand out the badges, and the local paper was there, and my parents were there, and my teacher got up in front of everybody and told my story, concluding with the statement (or something like it anyway): “you can do anything you set your mind on”.
Despite the fact that I felt completely humiliated, I learned the lesson the teacher tried to teach me, and from that point on, I’ve known that if I always try just a little bit harder, I can accomplish what I want. It’s this belief that has got me the good marks in school, the praises from my employers, the jobs I’ve wanted, all of the amazing opportunities I’ve had in my life, etc.
But what happens if you “try harder” to accomplish something you have no control over, or something that is best just left alone? I’ve been sick in the past, and I told myself that if I had just “been stronger” I would’ve been able to fight the sickness off. If I just “tried harder” I’d be able to function well on little or no sleep. If I just “tried harder” I wouldn’t feel sad, or angry. You get the picture. Being strong and hard-working is a great way to be in most aspects of life, but if you get to the point where feel you failed yourself because didn’t work hard enough, or because you weren’t strong enough, then this strength becomes a weakness.
Here’s another example: whenever I hurt myself and ran to my dad bleeding or bruised, he’d tell me to “stick the pain in your back pocket”. It’s great advice in many ways – it was those words that got me to the top of Mt Kilimanjaro and through my minor surgery in Syria (not to mention the nasty spider bite that caused it!). But what about emotional pain? I think most would agree it’s never a good idea to bottle that up and store it in your back pocket until one day the pocket gets full and your jeans tear at the seams and your insides are bared to all who care to notice. Being able to ignore physical pain may be a great strength, but ignoring emotional pain is a great weakness.
Anyway, I realized that the opposite must also be true: our greatest weaknesses can also be our greatest strengths. I’ve always assumed my sensitivity to be my greatest weakness. I’ve gotten used to being teased, laughed at, and ridiculed for crying because a bird flew into the window and died. I’m used to friends getting upset with me because I don’t want to be in loud, noisy bars. I’m used to people telling me to “suck it up” when I get hurt too easily. I’m used to people saying “don’t take it personally”. This world is just not designed for us sensitive people. But along with this sensitivity comes empathy and a true sense of love and caring for this world and all the people in it. And that’s a strength, don’t you think?
I guess there’s always two sides to the coin.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Dreaming the Apocalypse
I had another strange dream last night....I dreamed that Earth ran out of water. It was horrible. People were dying of dehydration everywhere I looked. Rich people had all of the remaining stocks of bottled water, and horrific acts of violence were committed as people tried to steal water to survive. I couldn't find all the people I loved, but I somehow managed to find some people from my past that I've never really got along with. The group of us had to work together to try and find a way to survive. It was disturbing. I woke up really thirsty, which likely explains the dream. But still...
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Beamers vs shaggin' wagons
Shelley flew out to Victoria to spend the weekend with me. We had such a great time! Even though we are completely broke and can't look rich even if we try, we decided to go all out and enjoy a weekend of gluttonous luxury together. It started out with a night at the Empress. This place is so Victorian, so over-the-top fancy, that we both just giggled the whole time we were there. The ornate wall paper, the flowery carpets, the old paintings of important people of the past, the antique furniture, it was all too much! We had a king sized bed with the most amazing pillows. Unfortunately the bed squeaked, and due to an unfortunate event in Nanaimo involving me having to endure the sexual sounds of the couple in the room next to me for hours on end, and the knowledge that there were old people staying next to us in the Empress, the night wasn't as wild as it probably should have been. Besides, I had to roll over four times to even find Shelley in that damn bed! I think she spent the whole night dreaming about the $24 buttermilk pancakes she wanted for breakfast.....
The next day we started our drive across the island to Tofino. This was a first for us - I drove and she got to be the restless passenger. Both of us wished we were in the other's seat, but due to insurance and blah, blah, blah, I was the sole driver. There was an upside to this - because of my reckless driving, we discovered that Shelley has the car-sickness gene. I tried so hard not to laugh at her, but it was so funny! It was a long and windy, hilly road, and since I have a need for speed and enjoy centrifugal motion, it was literally a roller-coaster ride all the way there!
But there were a few highlights, and breaks from the car, along the way. We stopped at Duncan, the town of totems, and payed a small fortune to enter this outdoor museum and learn all about Native life in the area. It was actually quite fascinating. Part of it involved a short film, and I loved the way this film was made - they talked about the history of the local tribes, their folklore and stories, and they compared it to Christian stories. This was followed by some dancers, one of whom was a little shy boy, who made me smile. We stopped at another town for lunch and had a game of crib while we waited for our food. Well, half of a game. Lunch arrived midway, and we decided we would play one more hand, then call it quits. Shelley ended up pulling ahead of me in that last hand, but I still insist that if you mutually agree to end a game, then it is a draw! Fair is fair.....The funniest thing was my Freudian slip. There was a Yhatzee game on our table, and looking at it brought back memories of my mom always playing it with her coffee in the mornings. I meant to tell Shelley that mom used to play Yhatzee all the time, but what came out was "Mom used to like playing Nazi." Oops.
Perhaps the most amazing stop at all was just a few miles outside of Tofino. I stopped in the middle of the highway because there was a bear on the side of the road! A baby! Now Shelley has had all sorts of bear encounters, but I have never seen one in the wild. She was a bit freaked out, but I was fascinated and had to pull out the camera. This bear really couldn't care less about us, didn't even give us the time of day. It munched on some grass for awhile, then crawled back into the forest.
We stayed in a beautiful B&B for the two nights we had in Tofino. The woman who owned the place was fabulous, and did her best to try to convince Shelley to move there....there are no plumbers in Tofino, and she could make a killing. From the sounds of it, there are some extremely anal, strict female RCMP officers there, so Shelley would find herself right at home! Me, I could surf and do yoga all day, so I would be perfectly happy there too. A life without McDonalds, Tim Hortons, and shopping malls...such places do exist! Anyway, we spent our time strolling on the beach, walking trails in the rainforest, and dining at extravagent restaurants where you pay lots of money to have your small amount of food ornatley arranged on your fashionable plate. But geez was it good food!
Tofino is kind of a funny place - really all you see are two groups of people: the rich people in their BMWs and Porsches, staying at expensive lodges and doing I-have-no-idea-what, and the hippies in their shaggin' wagons with surfboards tied to the roofs and the unmistakable scent of Mary Jane floating through the windows. And everyone finds a way to co-exist peacefully.
It felt so liberating to be near the ocean again. I spent my time there barefooted, running through the water and enjoying the feel of the sand on my feet. It's so grounding, feeling the earth beneath your feet. We also met a man and his dog, Pal, who were spending the day together on the beach. We kept running in to them, and every time we saw Pal we were reminded of our own dogs. We are just like parents sometimes. It was hard not to call our dogsitter to make sure our favourite canines were ok.
I made poor Shelley shake her head at me a few times. I took lots of pictures, and told her she could takes some if she wanted. At this time it was pouring rain, and I couldn't see anything because my glasses were wet and foggy. I kept lifting my glasses up and down to see what was in front of me. Shelley laughed at me and told me she needed a video camera to capture me - a single picture would never do it! It reminded me of an Ani song (....I have the kind of beauty that moves....).
Anyway, it was crash and burn time for the drive home. I was so tired! About half way back to Victoria I caved in and ate 9.5 timbits. The sugar rush was incredible, and went on to narrate the rest of the journey in Spanish....oh, poor Shelley. I'm so glad the girl just laughs at me.
The next day we started our drive across the island to Tofino. This was a first for us - I drove and she got to be the restless passenger. Both of us wished we were in the other's seat, but due to insurance and blah, blah, blah, I was the sole driver. There was an upside to this - because of my reckless driving, we discovered that Shelley has the car-sickness gene. I tried so hard not to laugh at her, but it was so funny! It was a long and windy, hilly road, and since I have a need for speed and enjoy centrifugal motion, it was literally a roller-coaster ride all the way there!
But there were a few highlights, and breaks from the car, along the way. We stopped at Duncan, the town of totems, and payed a small fortune to enter this outdoor museum and learn all about Native life in the area. It was actually quite fascinating. Part of it involved a short film, and I loved the way this film was made - they talked about the history of the local tribes, their folklore and stories, and they compared it to Christian stories. This was followed by some dancers, one of whom was a little shy boy, who made me smile. We stopped at another town for lunch and had a game of crib while we waited for our food. Well, half of a game. Lunch arrived midway, and we decided we would play one more hand, then call it quits. Shelley ended up pulling ahead of me in that last hand, but I still insist that if you mutually agree to end a game, then it is a draw! Fair is fair.....The funniest thing was my Freudian slip. There was a Yhatzee game on our table, and looking at it brought back memories of my mom always playing it with her coffee in the mornings. I meant to tell Shelley that mom used to play Yhatzee all the time, but what came out was "Mom used to like playing Nazi." Oops.
Perhaps the most amazing stop at all was just a few miles outside of Tofino. I stopped in the middle of the highway because there was a bear on the side of the road! A baby! Now Shelley has had all sorts of bear encounters, but I have never seen one in the wild. She was a bit freaked out, but I was fascinated and had to pull out the camera. This bear really couldn't care less about us, didn't even give us the time of day. It munched on some grass for awhile, then crawled back into the forest.
We stayed in a beautiful B&B for the two nights we had in Tofino. The woman who owned the place was fabulous, and did her best to try to convince Shelley to move there....there are no plumbers in Tofino, and she could make a killing. From the sounds of it, there are some extremely anal, strict female RCMP officers there, so Shelley would find herself right at home! Me, I could surf and do yoga all day, so I would be perfectly happy there too. A life without McDonalds, Tim Hortons, and shopping malls...such places do exist! Anyway, we spent our time strolling on the beach, walking trails in the rainforest, and dining at extravagent restaurants where you pay lots of money to have your small amount of food ornatley arranged on your fashionable plate. But geez was it good food!
Tofino is kind of a funny place - really all you see are two groups of people: the rich people in their BMWs and Porsches, staying at expensive lodges and doing I-have-no-idea-what, and the hippies in their shaggin' wagons with surfboards tied to the roofs and the unmistakable scent of Mary Jane floating through the windows. And everyone finds a way to co-exist peacefully.
It felt so liberating to be near the ocean again. I spent my time there barefooted, running through the water and enjoying the feel of the sand on my feet. It's so grounding, feeling the earth beneath your feet. We also met a man and his dog, Pal, who were spending the day together on the beach. We kept running in to them, and every time we saw Pal we were reminded of our own dogs. We are just like parents sometimes. It was hard not to call our dogsitter to make sure our favourite canines were ok.
I made poor Shelley shake her head at me a few times. I took lots of pictures, and told her she could takes some if she wanted. At this time it was pouring rain, and I couldn't see anything because my glasses were wet and foggy. I kept lifting my glasses up and down to see what was in front of me. Shelley laughed at me and told me she needed a video camera to capture me - a single picture would never do it! It reminded me of an Ani song (....I have the kind of beauty that moves....).
Anyway, it was crash and burn time for the drive home. I was so tired! About half way back to Victoria I caved in and ate 9.5 timbits. The sugar rush was incredible, and went on to narrate the rest of the journey in Spanish....oh, poor Shelley. I'm so glad the girl just laughs at me.
Monday, August 29, 2005
5 pounds gone!!!
Today marks one week of my latest dieting scheme. And I just weighed myself - I've already lost 5 pounds! I was shocked! I'm not doing anything exciting or unhealthy. All I'm doing is this:
- excercising for a little bit as soon as I get out of bed in the morning. Since I'm living in hotels which don't always have an excerise room, I've got one of those "8 Minutes in the Morning" books. The one I have is for people who don't like lifting weights, so all the exercises use your own body weight for resistance, and instead of doing many repititions, you simply hold the excercise for a longer time until you reach failure. I kind of scoffed at the excercises when I first saw them, but believe me, I feel them! I also do a bit of stretching, just because it feels good.
- I'm also forcing myself to eat breakfast every single day. This is the hardest part for me. But from everything I've read, eating breakfast kick-starts your metabolism, which is obviously important for weight loss. Not eating breakfast puts your body into starvation mode, which means you end up losing your muscle mass, not your fat.
- I also make sure I eat lunch and dinner, with a snack in between. I make sure I have protein and lots of veggies at each meal. I still eat carbs, but I try to keep it to healthy whole-grain stuff.
- I'm carrying a water bottle around with me and making sure I drink lots of water throughout the day.
And that's it! I have even had a chocolate bar, and when I went to a movie, I had some popcorn. And still 5 lbs gone!
Yeah for me!
5 pounds gone!!!
Today marks one week of my latest dieting scheme. And I just weighed myself - I've already lost 5 pounds! I'm not doing anything exciting or unhealthy. All I'm doing is this:
- excercising for a little bit as soon as I get out of bed in the morning. Since I'm living in hotels which don't always have an excerise room, I've got one of those "8 Minutes in the Morning" books. The one I have is for people who don't like lifting weights, so all the exercises use your own body weight for resistance, and instead of doing many repititions, you simply hold the excercise for a longer time until you reach failure. I kind of scoffed at the excercises when I first saw them, but believe me, I feel them! I also do a bit of stretching, just because it feels good.
- I'm also forcing myself to eat breakfast every single day. This is the hardest part for me. But from everything I've read, eating breakfast kick-starts your metabolism, which is obviously important for weight loss. Not eating breakfast puts your body into starvation mode, which means you end up losing your muscle mass, not your fat.
- I also make sure I eat lunch and dinner, with a snack in between. I make sure I have protein and lots of veggies at each meal. I still eat carbs, but I try to keep it to healthy whole-grain stuff.
- I'm carrying a water bottle around with me and making sure I drink lots of water throughout the day.
And that's it! I have even had a chocolate bar, and when I went to a movie, I had some popcorn. And still 5 lbs gone!
Yeah for me!
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Inspirations
One of the best things about dining by yourself is that you are free to listen to all the conversations going on around you. This happened to me last night. I was eating an amazing halibut and shrimp dinner, drinking a glass of Yellowtail Shiraz, and eavesdropping on the family sitting behind me. Two of them, a couple, had just returned from teaching English in Korea. From the sounds of it, although they are both from Vancouver Island, they met and fell in love in Korea. Anyway, I got to hear all about their adventures, the people they met, the memorable food, how many times Air Canada lost their luggage, etc. I could relate to so many of their stories, and I found myself taking part in their conversations in my head. I even chuckled out loud a few times. It got me all excited about going overseas again.
There were two other women at the table (the mothers, I think). They were talking about their weight, and how they had both been working so hard at losing it. One of them had lost 50 pounds and was just soooooo excited about it! She felt she had only 20 pounds left to go, and was struggling with them - they weren't coming off as fast as the first 20 did. But, she was just so positive and energized. It made me feel great! And guilty about all the food I was eating....
Anyway, the point is, I often talk to friends and family about my travels and my desire to shed a few pounds, but I always leave those encounters feeling guilty (for wanting to leave) and discouraged ("but I like you just the way you are, you don't have to lose weight"). But listening in on conversations that have nothing to do with me, but everything to do with me, was totally inspirational!
There were two other women at the table (the mothers, I think). They were talking about their weight, and how they had both been working so hard at losing it. One of them had lost 50 pounds and was just soooooo excited about it! She felt she had only 20 pounds left to go, and was struggling with them - they weren't coming off as fast as the first 20 did. But, she was just so positive and energized. It made me feel great! And guilty about all the food I was eating....
Anyway, the point is, I often talk to friends and family about my travels and my desire to shed a few pounds, but I always leave those encounters feeling guilty (for wanting to leave) and discouraged ("but I like you just the way you are, you don't have to lose weight"). But listening in on conversations that have nothing to do with me, but everything to do with me, was totally inspirational!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
At long last an update....
Aaahhh…life has been treating me well these days. Although I’m working full-time, I feel like I’m on a vacation, especially this week. I’ve been working on Vancouver Island and will be here for the next three weeks. I’ve been so consumed in my mind and my heart lately with various life things – mostly concerning where my life is going to go next. Being here, near the ocean, I feel more connected and have been able to just let all those worries float out to sea.
I arrived in Victoria Monday morning and drove up the coast to Campbell River. I stayed at a lovely B&B. The owners had a beautiful golden retriever named Bentley, and of course we connected immediately. This house was right on the banks of the river, and I took him down to the river yesterday morning. He liked to just float in the river….I understood was he was feeling…I like to do that too!
I connect to places so easily – it’s funny that I was sad to leave a place after staying there only one night. But by the time I arrived in Comox I had already forgotten about it and fell in love again with this new town. After checking into my hotel (which was rather regal – complete with red carpeting and a soaker tub), I wandered down to the marina and looked at the boats. I leaned over the dock and stared out at the ocean, enjoying the breeze on my face and the smell of the salt water. My mind had wandered off to who-knows-where, but I was brought back to reality by aggressive splashes in the water. There were two sea otters playing mere feet in front of me. It was so cute! They were flipping this way and that, teasing each other, having fun. It brought me joy, just like the dolphins in Zanzibar and the Maldives did. I had dinner at the marina afterwards, and I giggled at the waitress as she told that it was “white trash Tuesday” meaning the special was pork chops in mushroom sauce served with fries. Sounds like home, eh?
I went for a long walk that night, and I was convinced that the average age of the population was around 72. I didn’t pass many pedestrians on foot, but I passed a good many in their motorized scooter-wheelchairs. But nevertheless, when I was in the hospital this morning, looking at the list of locum docs, I sure got excited about the possibility of spending more time here in that capacity.
So now here I am in Nanaimo. I’m on the 14th floor of a waterfront hotel with a glorious view of the ocean below. I feel so spoiled! And this room has a Murphy bed, which is totally cool. Adds a certain level of funkiness to the room. I am quite content.
I arrived in Victoria Monday morning and drove up the coast to Campbell River. I stayed at a lovely B&B. The owners had a beautiful golden retriever named Bentley, and of course we connected immediately. This house was right on the banks of the river, and I took him down to the river yesterday morning. He liked to just float in the river….I understood was he was feeling…I like to do that too!
I connect to places so easily – it’s funny that I was sad to leave a place after staying there only one night. But by the time I arrived in Comox I had already forgotten about it and fell in love again with this new town. After checking into my hotel (which was rather regal – complete with red carpeting and a soaker tub), I wandered down to the marina and looked at the boats. I leaned over the dock and stared out at the ocean, enjoying the breeze on my face and the smell of the salt water. My mind had wandered off to who-knows-where, but I was brought back to reality by aggressive splashes in the water. There were two sea otters playing mere feet in front of me. It was so cute! They were flipping this way and that, teasing each other, having fun. It brought me joy, just like the dolphins in Zanzibar and the Maldives did. I had dinner at the marina afterwards, and I giggled at the waitress as she told that it was “white trash Tuesday” meaning the special was pork chops in mushroom sauce served with fries. Sounds like home, eh?
I went for a long walk that night, and I was convinced that the average age of the population was around 72. I didn’t pass many pedestrians on foot, but I passed a good many in their motorized scooter-wheelchairs. But nevertheless, when I was in the hospital this morning, looking at the list of locum docs, I sure got excited about the possibility of spending more time here in that capacity.
So now here I am in Nanaimo. I’m on the 14th floor of a waterfront hotel with a glorious view of the ocean below. I feel so spoiled! And this room has a Murphy bed, which is totally cool. Adds a certain level of funkiness to the room. I am quite content.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
my latest dilemna...to md or not to md
I just finished writing this long, elaborate explanation of my latest obsession, only to somehow erase it all. I suppose I wasn't meant to share it with you. In a nutshell, I'm contemplating med school (I know I do this every year). Everyone I've talked to about this has a different opinion, and this doesn't help me at all. I know what I want to do with my life - my problem is that I don't know how to get there. I know that if I were to become a doctor, all I would have to do is sign up with Doctors Without Borders and spend the rest of my life providing care to those who need it most. Of course, I would have to finish nearly a decade more of school and pay back $100,000 debt first. It seems like an expensive, time consuming means to an end, especially since clinical work isn't really where my interest is! Plus, I have this feeling that I would spend the whole time in excruciating pain, living with the knowledge that there's somewhere else I'm supposed to be!
One person I talked to made the most sense to me - she told me that I am my own worst critic, and that I always underestimate my abilities and qualifications to do the things I want to do. She reminded me that the most creative people in the world don't know that they are that. I realise that med school is the safe route for me (that sounds ridiculous, I know, but it's how I feel!). Taking the chance, putting myself out there, and risking complete and utter failure is the scary thing to do right now. I'm just not sure I'm qualified to go do epi overseas right now - I'd really like to get some experience in Canada first.
So I guess I'm not sure what to do right now. Am I making excuses to go to med school, or making excuses not to go? I've got to make a rather fast decision. My current job will end within the next six months - where do I want to go next? And what happens if I never get there - to this place where I know I belong?
If anyone has the magic answer, I'd love to hear it. And don't tell me to follow my heart. I know that already.
One person I talked to made the most sense to me - she told me that I am my own worst critic, and that I always underestimate my abilities and qualifications to do the things I want to do. She reminded me that the most creative people in the world don't know that they are that. I realise that med school is the safe route for me (that sounds ridiculous, I know, but it's how I feel!). Taking the chance, putting myself out there, and risking complete and utter failure is the scary thing to do right now. I'm just not sure I'm qualified to go do epi overseas right now - I'd really like to get some experience in Canada first.
So I guess I'm not sure what to do right now. Am I making excuses to go to med school, or making excuses not to go? I've got to make a rather fast decision. My current job will end within the next six months - where do I want to go next? And what happens if I never get there - to this place where I know I belong?
If anyone has the magic answer, I'd love to hear it. And don't tell me to follow my heart. I know that already.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Camping adventures
Last weekend Shelley and I went camping to Kananaskis, which is one of my most favourite places ever. I was working in Calgary the week before, and am still here in Calgary. Shelley packed up the camping equipment and the dogs, picked me up in my hotel, and off we went. We chose to take the scenic route out to Kananaskis from Canmore - in part because I forgot the dogs' leashes in my car and we had to buy news ones, and in part because the long and winding road up the mountains and around the sparkling turquoise crystal clear lakes is breathtakingly beautiful.
Despite a few hurdles (the entire provincial park was full and we had to pack up each morning and move to a different campsite), we had a fantastic trip. The weather was amazing, the dogs were a pleasure to have around (at least when they weren't trying to sleep on our heads in the tent), and life is just always better in the mountains. They are such a spiritual place for me. There is something about the way the peaks of mountains look against the sky - it's kind of like they don't belong there, but they choose to be there anyway.
We did a couple of great hikes - one up Mt Indefatiguable, and the other all the way around the upper lake. I've done both hikes many times before and love them. This is why I had to share them with Shelley - she loved them just as much as me, and that makes me so happy! The hike up the mountain gives you an incredible view of the valley below and the upper and lower lakes. On the way up we encountered a group of Japanese tourists coming down. One of them was trying to take a picture of the view, I assumed. I was wrong. She actually wanted a picture of Shelley and I with the dogs! This is the first time I've been in someone else's tourist pictures! It turns out that they recognized the Akita in Casper - a dog loved in Japan. We had a fun chat with the tour group, and then continued the grueling climb to the top. At the top we met three other couples who seemed to be amazing people. Both Shelley and I felt blessed to be in the company of such people. So often in the city all you encounter is snobby people, or angry people, or people who just want nothing to do with you for whatever reason. It is always a blessing to encounter people who are the opposite...
The hike around the lake always stuns me. You encounter dozens of different ecosystems on this hike - landslides, waterfalls, marshes, rain-forest-like terrain, old forest fires, and on, and on. It's a good 18km, but every km is beautiful. It's just a perfect mix of all the elements and leaves you completely renewed by the end of it.
Geez I'm tired.....bedtime for this girl.
Despite a few hurdles (the entire provincial park was full and we had to pack up each morning and move to a different campsite), we had a fantastic trip. The weather was amazing, the dogs were a pleasure to have around (at least when they weren't trying to sleep on our heads in the tent), and life is just always better in the mountains. They are such a spiritual place for me. There is something about the way the peaks of mountains look against the sky - it's kind of like they don't belong there, but they choose to be there anyway.
We did a couple of great hikes - one up Mt Indefatiguable, and the other all the way around the upper lake. I've done both hikes many times before and love them. This is why I had to share them with Shelley - she loved them just as much as me, and that makes me so happy! The hike up the mountain gives you an incredible view of the valley below and the upper and lower lakes. On the way up we encountered a group of Japanese tourists coming down. One of them was trying to take a picture of the view, I assumed. I was wrong. She actually wanted a picture of Shelley and I with the dogs! This is the first time I've been in someone else's tourist pictures! It turns out that they recognized the Akita in Casper - a dog loved in Japan. We had a fun chat with the tour group, and then continued the grueling climb to the top. At the top we met three other couples who seemed to be amazing people. Both Shelley and I felt blessed to be in the company of such people. So often in the city all you encounter is snobby people, or angry people, or people who just want nothing to do with you for whatever reason. It is always a blessing to encounter people who are the opposite...
The hike around the lake always stuns me. You encounter dozens of different ecosystems on this hike - landslides, waterfalls, marshes, rain-forest-like terrain, old forest fires, and on, and on. It's a good 18km, but every km is beautiful. It's just a perfect mix of all the elements and leaves you completely renewed by the end of it.
Geez I'm tired.....bedtime for this girl.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
More funky dreams....
So the other night I had the strangest dream....I was walking through the forest with a wolf who was talking to me. It's not like he was actually physically talking to me, but we were walking together, and there was a Native voice talking to me, and it was just obvious it was coming from the wolf. Strangely, the wolf had the energy of Casper. Anyway, it was telling me how to love the Earth, and how to take care of the Earth, and the circle of life, and how to love, even those whom I don't want to love. The wolf then disappeared and left me in a large field filled with joyful rabbits, who I jumped around and danced with. I woke up feeling a large sense of responsibility.
The other bit of strangeness is that Louis Riel has been popping into my life lately. For those of you who don't know Canadian history, Riel was a Metis leader who led his people in a revolution against the Canadian government in Manitoba in the 1800s. He was a rather contoversial person, and some say he was even crazy. In the end, he was hung for treason, although how fighting for your own land is treason, I have no idea. Anyway, when I went to Winnipeg a few weeks ago, I started a book called The Diviners by Margaret Laurence, having no idea what it was about, or that it took place in rural Manitoba. The book is basically about a middle-aged woman, who is a writer, trying to understand the strange antics of her teenaged daughter, by reliving her own younger years. Anyway, while I was on a tour of Winnipeg, the tour guide told many stories about Riel, both historical stories and the stories passed down to him from his elders. Later on, in Grande Prairie, I continued reading this book, and each of the main characters tell their stories of Riel, also passed down to them from their elders. Each character told the same story, with a slightly different slant, or with slightly different details, based on how their elders experienced the revolution. Anyway, it made me realize that everyone has their own truth....
The other bit of strangeness is that Louis Riel has been popping into my life lately. For those of you who don't know Canadian history, Riel was a Metis leader who led his people in a revolution against the Canadian government in Manitoba in the 1800s. He was a rather contoversial person, and some say he was even crazy. In the end, he was hung for treason, although how fighting for your own land is treason, I have no idea. Anyway, when I went to Winnipeg a few weeks ago, I started a book called The Diviners by Margaret Laurence, having no idea what it was about, or that it took place in rural Manitoba. The book is basically about a middle-aged woman, who is a writer, trying to understand the strange antics of her teenaged daughter, by reliving her own younger years. Anyway, while I was on a tour of Winnipeg, the tour guide told many stories about Riel, both historical stories and the stories passed down to him from his elders. Later on, in Grande Prairie, I continued reading this book, and each of the main characters tell their stories of Riel, also passed down to them from their elders. Each character told the same story, with a slightly different slant, or with slightly different details, based on how their elders experienced the revolution. Anyway, it made me realize that everyone has their own truth....
Friday, June 17, 2005
Trip to Grande Prairie
Grande Prairie turned out to be much better than I thought it would be. It is really quite beautiful here, both in terms of the friendliness of the people and the landscape. I chose to stay at a B&B, rather than another dreary hotel, and boy am I ever glad that I did. If you ever have reason to come to Grande Prairie, I highly recommend staying at Maple Meadows Country B&B. It is owned by a retired couple from Edmonton, and they run a top-notch establishment here. The yard is lush and green, and very quiet. The house is a perfect blend of country simplicity and modernity. My room is amazing – big, fluffy queen sized bed, a lovely soaker tub, a big red leather chair parked in front of the satellite TV and the fireplace, the private balcony, the fresh flowers on a table in the corner….this has turned out feeling more like a vacation and less like work. And don’t get me started on the breakfasts – I feel like I am getting way more than what I’ve paid for!
The people of Grande Prairie have been so kind to me, both in the hospital and out-and-about. They have a great trail system here, and last night I went for a run. True story! I actually ran. Don’t ask me where the motivation for doing such a thing came from. I got the giggles because there are frequent signs reminding trail users of the presence of moose and bears. Of course I thought of Shelley and her bear attack. Anyway, people always smiled and said hello to me. It’s nice to be in cities where this happens on a regular basis. Grande Prairie is used to seeing lots of business people (in fact this city has the highest number of millionaires per capita of all cities in Canada) and tourists (it’s a gateway to the North). This comes in handy – wait staff are used to seeing lone diners in their restaurants and are quick to offer magazines and newspapers to their patrons. The people in the hospital were amazing as well – so helpful and chatty. Some days I spent more time talking than working (this is not unusual for me!!). Of course the presence of another lesbian in the department didn’t help matters much.... :)
Despite the chatting, I managed to finish my patients early and decided to drive to Fairview to view a couple of patient charts. It was about an hour’s drive, and it was beautiful – very green and hilly. I especially enjoyed driving down into the Dunvegan valley and over the largest suspension bridge in Alberta. Fairview is your typical Albertan small town: no fast food joints, lots of hardware stores, all the lamp posts on Main Street had baskets of flowers hanging on them, and every house had a vegetable garden out back. The hospital had a boot rack at the entrance, and there were actually boots sitting on them! The health records staff knew the charts by the patient’s name rather than their number. And again, they were so chatty! And unlike the small towns Shelley and I encountered in the Badlands, the theme song to Deliverance never once came to mind!
On the way back to Grande Prairie I stopped at the Dunvegan Provincial park and took a wander around, learning about the history of the area, from when the North West Trading Company came, to when the Hudson’s Bay Company took over, from the arrival of the missionaries, to the signing of Treaty 8 with the Natives of the area. I always enjoy a good history lesson, and a good walk down by the river.
Anyway, I head home tomorrow morning. I’m anxious to see Shelley and the dogs!! And I wonder where I will get sent to next….Calgary I think!
The people of Grande Prairie have been so kind to me, both in the hospital and out-and-about. They have a great trail system here, and last night I went for a run. True story! I actually ran. Don’t ask me where the motivation for doing such a thing came from. I got the giggles because there are frequent signs reminding trail users of the presence of moose and bears. Of course I thought of Shelley and her bear attack. Anyway, people always smiled and said hello to me. It’s nice to be in cities where this happens on a regular basis. Grande Prairie is used to seeing lots of business people (in fact this city has the highest number of millionaires per capita of all cities in Canada) and tourists (it’s a gateway to the North). This comes in handy – wait staff are used to seeing lone diners in their restaurants and are quick to offer magazines and newspapers to their patrons. The people in the hospital were amazing as well – so helpful and chatty. Some days I spent more time talking than working (this is not unusual for me!!). Of course the presence of another lesbian in the department didn’t help matters much.... :)
Despite the chatting, I managed to finish my patients early and decided to drive to Fairview to view a couple of patient charts. It was about an hour’s drive, and it was beautiful – very green and hilly. I especially enjoyed driving down into the Dunvegan valley and over the largest suspension bridge in Alberta. Fairview is your typical Albertan small town: no fast food joints, lots of hardware stores, all the lamp posts on Main Street had baskets of flowers hanging on them, and every house had a vegetable garden out back. The hospital had a boot rack at the entrance, and there were actually boots sitting on them! The health records staff knew the charts by the patient’s name rather than their number. And again, they were so chatty! And unlike the small towns Shelley and I encountered in the Badlands, the theme song to Deliverance never once came to mind!
On the way back to Grande Prairie I stopped at the Dunvegan Provincial park and took a wander around, learning about the history of the area, from when the North West Trading Company came, to when the Hudson’s Bay Company took over, from the arrival of the missionaries, to the signing of Treaty 8 with the Natives of the area. I always enjoy a good history lesson, and a good walk down by the river.
Anyway, I head home tomorrow morning. I’m anxious to see Shelley and the dogs!! And I wonder where I will get sent to next….Calgary I think!
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
The story of Molly
I forgot to write about this major event earlier - Shelley and I got a puppy! To make a long story short, we found Molly and thought she would be a great dog for my brother. His wife obviously wears the pants in their relationship, and vetoed the dog. So, Shelley and I decided to keep her. She is an absolute delight and has the face of an angel. She is a retriever cross, 8 months old, and has attitude. She takes none of Casper's guff, and in fact gives it right back. I'll keep you posted on Molly, as I'm sure she will provide me with lots of stories to tell...
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