So last night was supposed to be a nice quiet time for me to reflect and try to reconnect to myself again. And although it was nice and quiet, there was no reflection. Who knows, maybe that's a good thing! We all know I have a habit of over analyzing everything, so perhaps taking some time to NOT think is actually a great idea!

Anyway, after cooking myself an absolutely fabulous dinner (thank you Kristy for the suggestion), I settled in and watched "The Last Samurai". I didn't really have a strong desire to watch this movie due to the Tom Cruise factor, however, I found myself totally in love with it and actually very deeply affected by the message. I know that I have a strange ability to make everything I encounter relevant to my own growth and experience, but I don't necessarily think that this is a bad thing. It's all about self-discovery, and if I use movies and other things as a tool in that process, well then so be it.

So the movie. The plot, in a nutshell: a disillusioned American war hero goes to Japan to teach them how to defeat the Samurai warriors who are rebelling against the westernization of their country. Cruise's character gets captured by his enemy, and during his captivity he comes to embrace the way of the Samurai and joins in their cause.

But the beauty of this movie lies in the transformation that occurs within Cruise's character. At the beginning of the movie we meet him as a drunk, angry man haunted by nightmares and recurring images of the battles he has witnessed. It is clear that he is tortured by the atrocities that he has not only witnessed, but has actually been responsible for. He is seen as an expert in defeating rebelious "savages", and this is not a role he seems prepared to accept for himself. So he comes to Japan full of anger and bitterness, but with a committment to get the job done.

He ends up spending a season in captivity, surrounded by the beauty of the land, the people, and the way of the Samurai. He develops a connection with his captor as they discover a mutual respect for the values, ideals, and culture of each other. In this simple life, this very disciplined and esthetic life, Cruises's character confronts his demons, the hauntings of his past, and reflects upon his life path. He comes to realize what he really values and the true meaning of honor. In the end he chooses to fight for these ideals, side-by-side with the man who brought him back to himself.

I was supposed to spend the night reconnecting with myself, and instead I watched a story about a man who actually DID reconnect with himself. I cried at the end of the movie, in part because it was so hard to watch the violent destruction, but also because I sympathized with Cruise's character. There are so many temptations in life, so many opporunities to lose your way. You make mistakes, do things you wish you hadn't, hurt people, and for what? Sometimes you have the answers to this, and many times you don't. By the end of the movie, he knew exactly where he wanted/needed to be. All decisions, all thoughts, all actions came from that place. And that, my friends, is where I want to be. If that makes any sense at all.